| Sometimes, all the time |
[Sep. 6th, 2009|03:41 am] |
you give someone all of your time and you have entrusted that same person with all of your worries. You have anchored the divine to the physical presence of that person. You so want to make love obvious and ubiquitous in your life that you have unconsciously tucked that person in all the enclaves of your everyday existence. However, it is a disappointing surprise that every single time you are let down---but almost never unscathed.
You try to take control of your life, but you have selflessly offered that person half of the reins. And what happens? You are steered towards countless pits and it is only a matter of time before you surrender what's left of you to a great, big ravine. You tell yourself repeatedly that everything will be alright, and they are indeed. But then again, your hope is defeated by the fact that everything just repeats itself.
Like a child you are unaware that you are trained to be somebody else through repetition and should you go back to your old self, what's left is a shattered puzzle you can only blindly piece back together. You recognize yourself, but what you are has been alienated by love; that desire to be yourself and be somebody else, for somebody else all at the same time.
So yes, you are once again this angst-ridden person who is not getting any younger. You ask yourself what you might have done to deserve all those circumstances, all those people. And whether or not you should be totally blamed for all the choices you have made. But isn't it that other people make choices that involve you and influence or even possess the choices that you make?
You try to be more composed and try even more to silence your demons, only to have all the bitter memories scratching at your neck and your throat like a monstrous sprite. You don't know what all your pain and hard work will give you in the end. But should all else fail, you know the doors and windows that silly thing called Hope have once opened for you will be closed for a very long time. Or worse, til' all the world closes in on you. And should that sordid thing happen, you shall amuse yourself with that part of you that is a whore.
Aytenkyu bow, bitch, bow. Okay, I'll go fuck myself now. And no, I am not apologizing for the cursing. *hikbi*
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| I miss you. Just because, |
[Aug. 26th, 2009|12:16 pm] |
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no matter how far away I stray from you, I find myself, still calling myself, undoubtedly, yours, singularly. (All hail, the regal chumminess! Haha!) |
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| Naaalala ko ang kanta ng Sandwich: |
[Mar. 26th, 2009|07:53 pm] |
I just wanna be on the beach---
SUNBUUUURRRRRRRNNNNN!
It is summer. However,
my belly won't cooperate with me, so for now---
I'll have to make do with the mountains. Haha. Let's go Bossing!
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| Because it's Valentine's day--- |
[Feb. 14th, 2009|04:17 am] |
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---someone was busy tending to someone else's Valentine day errands. *sigh* A lot of girls brat it out on occasions like this. But can you really blame them? Can you really blame ME? As much as I lay the most bitter criticisms on Romance novels and their heroines, I am VERRRY aware that I am just as insufferably mawkish and desperate as they all are. So yeah. I'm a first-rate helluva girly brat who has a serious case of contrived ADHD. Haha. So it's either you really love or you don't. Grrr. |
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| It is never to late to write a New Year's day entry. |
[Jan. 24th, 2009|02:48 am] |
And so it is the year 2009. Another year of promise and catastrophes. Most of my 2008 was as bleak as what could be the second great depression of the Western economies. But as always, God has managed to take the reins and drove me to end and begin the year right. I have waded enough through the marshlands of sadness and juvenile existentialism.
I started the past year with love and ended with more love. I began the year doing almost nothing productive and was entrusted with more responsibility than I could handle at the end of the year. I turn over pages, but never tear them out. Though I have experienced much misfortune for 2008, I was proven to be one of the luckiest people after all. I have been well taken care of, well taught, well read, and ended well in the best hands (and I'll take that literally too haha). Praise Him for granting me a clean slate on which I will not merely doodle on but breeze through in fine, graceful calligraphy. Naks.
I am writing at the onset of the Chinese New Year because I think 2009 will be just like it: flamboyant and mystically lit with flashes of reds and golds. Kung hei fat choi! It is the year of the rambunctious ox and I am hoping that more blessings will be ramming their way into my door. Cheers!
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| Day 47: Videoke killed the Radiostar. |
[Dec. 29th, 2008|02:21 pm] |
It's karaoke night with my former colleagues from Mothertongue who were kind enough to consider inviting me (with Bossing in tow) to their Christmas party. There may be a single stuffed Tilapia remaining but I was more than satisfied with the ample supply of Mang Jose. Hehehe! Hindi ko alam kung napakanta ako ng bongga dahil sa tama o dahil may gusto lang ako patamaan.=p I really enjoyed the night, even if I was knocked out by 2 am. Goes to show how much I miss the less strenuous working atmosphere of my former company. Huhu!
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| Day 46: Only girl. |
[Dec. 29th, 2008|02:09 pm] |
It's a foursome-na-hindi-magkakatalo in the Purchasing department on a petiks-manic-Monday.
Nope they're not gay. Guess who is. Hahaha!
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| Day 44: Madaming utang si Ninang, |
[Dec. 29th, 2008|01:53 pm] |
sa iyo, Aoi, at sa iyong ina. I will make it up to you both. I regret not being able to watch you grow up more often.
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| Day 43: To you who stayed awake while--- |
[Dec. 29th, 2008|01:50 pm] |
---I slept through what could have been a lively conversation with some of your dear friends, caught all the winks I could get snuggled on your shoulder on a Friday night and in a popular/populous drinking venue at that, fluttered my eyelids in exhaustion and expiration (hahaha) while you fussed over what coffee/cake I wanted to top off the night with...THANK YOU. I'd rather be with you unconscious than to be conscious of not having you beside me.=)
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| Day 42: The team that was, and gone too soon. Hehe. |
[Dec. 29th, 2008|01:33 pm] |
 It was Debbie's last day. She was supposed to be my Purchasing Assistant and I feel I have been debilitated. The array of titles I am now in charge of is probably the most tedious to handle. The Children's books alone are enough to summon zits, skin asthma, and all symptoms of stress. Not to mention there a gazillion of them written under a gazillion topics/themes suited to puerile readership.
I am still feeling my way through, and it would have had been more helpful to have someone who has been working with it for a long time. I'd have to give it her mehn. She passed on to me the valuable knowledge about our category to the best that she could. I didn't expect her to be a good Samaritan towards me because she wasn't really friendly during my first employment term. But Debs proved me wrong about my past perceptions for I found her to be both a reliable second-in-command and friend after all. And it is unfair that her clearance be threateningly withheld because she has endorsed to me a lot more than she should have.
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| Day 40: Officially booted out of UNemployment. Yay! |
[Dec. 29th, 2008|09:57 am] |
Snaps for me people! Now the guard won't give me that weird look every time I scamper towards the bundy clock. I really am back under the wings of Powerbooks Specialty Store as the buyer for Children's, Young Adult, Science & Reference book titles. Darn it! The Fiction & Literature category has eluded me yet again. Nevertheless, hello once more to that delicious 20% discount.=p
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| Day 39: We were meant to be. Hahaha. |
[Dec. 15th, 2008|11:31 am] |
 
My credit card suffered an additional casualty today.
I told myself the last time, I will stop with the red version of the cotton/spandex top and the perfume I spotted on the counter while paying for it. I was supposed to avoid Zara until its end of season sale in February. But no, there it was. Hanging all by itself when I (un)intentionally dropped by the store awhile ago. I just had to buy it. Good thing the pink one was already gone.
Pagbigyan niyo na ako. The last time I bought an article of clothing was in July. Hehehe.
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| Day 38: Namamasko po! |
[Dec. 14th, 2008|10:06 am] |
Thank you oh carollers! Mom and Dad were totally diverted from the fact that I came home extremely late---early in the (following) evening that is. Hahaha!
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| Day 36: This will partly document 2009. |
[Dec. 14th, 2008|08:07 am] |
 
Salamat sa mga tumulong sa akin mag-ipon ng stickers! Lalo na sa sinamahan kong mag-aral (or should I say tinulugan at ginawang foot rest) that day.=)
Isusulat din kita dito, habang inaaraw-araw kita. Hehe.
And yes I got the much coveted planner in red: to symbolize my being partly feisty and fiery. Shiva is my new favorite deity. Weh.
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